MY CAVE

 Lately, I have been thinking a lot about how I am living in a CAVE.  I know that right now, my time and energy needs to be consumed with my family.  That is what I (we) signed up for and for the most part, I am ok with that.  The problem is that there are days when I really have the urge to do something outside of my CAVE...like help someone else, or learn about something, or maybe read a book.   When I peek my nose out to do one of those things, I am immediately pulled back into the CAVE because someone needs me or my attention.  People ask if I am overwhelmed.   I guess that I usually don't feel overwhelmed.  I just can't do it all!  Is that the same thing?  I think I am learning to lower my expectations.  Case in point - I checked a book out from the library last week and was excited to add that into my (fun) things to do.  I tried starting that stupid book at least 6 or 7 times and came to the conclusion that trying to read a book right now is just not going to happen.  I am disappointed (and a little embarrassed to admit) that I can't just sit down and relax with a book.  Right now it feels like work to me.  I will try it again in a few months.  

My CAVE is not particularly comfortable right now.  It is hard work.  I am constantly thinking about what is happening tomorrow? who needs to go where? who is struggling with this or that?  what do we do after school?  what's for dinner?????  I told someone the other day that it is like trying to keep 10 plates spinning at once.  The irony of this is that as I am trying to become more unselfish with my own life, I am becoming very inward and self-centered, thinking only about the needs of my own family.  I feel kind of bad about this because there are plenty of people out there who could use a kind word or encouraging note from me.  So, without adding more things to my plate, I am looking for ways to come out of my CAVE.  

Today at work,  a lady was waiting by my desk.  Although I don't really know her, I simply asked..."How are you doing?"  She started to tell me about her 37-year-old niece who has 2-4 weeks to live because of leukemia.  She has a husband and two young children that she will leave behind.  It was obvious that this lady's heart was very heavy.  I was sad for her.  An hour later, one of my friends at work told me that her husband was laid off from his job yesterday.  She had a very positive attitude about the whole thing, but I felt bad for her as well.  I will be praying for these people in the next few weeks.

I am thankful for my job.  I work only one day a week, but it gives me the chance to get out of my CAVE and rub shoulders with other people who might need me...just to listen.  Today I think maybe I was on the giving end instead of the receiving end of things.  It might sound odd, but I like hearing about other people's problems.  It helps me to keep perspective and it makes me so thankful for where I am at in life.  Not being able read a book for a season seems pretty insignificant today.    

I am back in my CAVE tonight.  Maybe I'll poke my head out tomorrow!  Better yet, if you think of it, come and pull me out for a bit.  I would like that.