We have friends in Cambridge that have spent the week in the Philippines. They went to pick up their two new daughters from the Children's Shelter of Cebu. It has been so exciting to hear a little of what has been happening there. We have emailed back and forth about their journey and wow! it really takes me back... I often think about our first week together with Roselyn, Romeo and Rodrigo in the Philippines, but hearing it first hand has reminded me of how emotionally intense it was for me. I will never be able to explain what was going on in my head during that week. I can try, but really...Allen is the only one that can ever truly know what it was really like. I like to think back and remember what it was like.
The first intense rush of feelings that week came even before we left. I will never forget saying goodbye to Steph that morning. It was like every other morning. She got ready for school. I would normally bring her to school and drop her off around 8:00. On this day, we brought her early because Allen and I had to get going... It's probably good, because there weren't so many people around yet. Instead of simply saying goodbye from the car, Allen and I got out of the car to hug our baby goodbye. As usual, it was probably most emotional for me. I guess I think too much about things. None of us knew what our life would look like in a few weeks, but we knew it was about to drastically change. I felt guilty for leaving Steph behind, but she seemed to be handling it like a pro. In spite of some mixed feelings, I knew that she would be fine. Nontheless, that was the first step in our journey to Cebu and I will never forget it.
The next big moment for me was when we arrived at CSC to pick up the kids. Would they come running to hug us? Would they cry? Would I cry?? Would they be afraid? How should I act? I remember asking other people what those first few moments were like. I wanted to know what to expect. Well, everyone is different and every experience is different. I had to go with no expectations. (Hard for me to do!!) The whole experience was kind of surreal. I saw Romeo playing basketball and Rodrigo running around on the grass. Roselyn was sitting on the steps just watching and waiting. She put her hands over her face (in excitement, I think) when we drove up. As we got out of the van, the three of them slowly made their way over to us. There were hugs, but not a lot of emotion. We sort of engaged in small talk with them and I guess you could say...it was sort of awkward. How else do you meet your new parents?...or your new children? I'm glad that it wasn't a big cryfest or anything. It seemed pretty normal, I guess considering the magnitude of the moment! Eventually, Allen pulled out a frisbee and we started to play with our kids. The weird thing about this is that the other kids at the shelter didn't engage in our play. It was pretty obvious that they were instructed to NOT play with us. Once in a while, one of the kids would grab the frisbee. The aunties were quick to pull them back. So...most of the kids just stood around and watched us. It is a moment of pride (maybe?) for the kids being adopted and a bittersweet moment for the kids who will be staying behind. I think that the kids staying behind are genuinely happy for those who get chosen, but it must also be a difficult thing to watch. I didn't like being the center of attention. At the very least, there was a lot of curiosity about these new parents who had come. Later that evening, when all the kids went into the house for mealtime, we had a private dinner outside at the picnic table. This too, was a rite of passage for the adopted kids. It was our first meal together. I'm glad that I have pictures of this day. It was a life-changing day. It was exciting, awkward, scary, happy and bittersweet all at once. I was glad when it was over. It turned out to be a very good day. I am anxious for the day when I can help our kids articulate what their memories were of that day.
The biggest day for me was when we left the shelter for the last time. Roselyn, Romeo and Rodrigo came to the hotel with us for the first time. They were so cute and eager to start out on their new journey. For Allen and me, it was a bit overwhelming. Up until now, we had been able to retreat to the quiet and privacy of our hotel room. We liked privacy. We liked quiet. We had suddenly doubled our ranks and there was not much privacy OR quiet. Everything was so new, exciting and scary for all of us. At the end of the day, after our children were asleep, I stood and just looked at them. There they were...three children who needed a home. Three children who needed us. It was that simple. Our journey had begun.
I wish I could describe the feelings of that week. I'm afraid that I have only scratched the surface. It was the most adventurous, frightening and worthwhile thing I have ever done. I have enjoyed spending a little time reliving that week as I hear about my friend's adoption . I can't wait to see them and their children. I am excited to think that we are 9 months down the road. My kids are now the veterans...??? and maybe we can be helpful to their family as they begin their transition.
Our first 12 hours at the hotel...
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