DISCONNECTED

Most of the books I read these days have to do with parenting. Raising Boys, Raising Teens, Boundaries, etc... My most recent book is called DISCONNECTED - Parenting Teens in a MySpace World by Chap and Dee Clark. It is very interesting and quite helpful as I try to stay connected to the teens under my roof.

According to these authors, "the period of adolescence has grown over the last few decades. When adolescence was first noticed, it took only a couple of years. When today's parents were kids, it lasted about seven or eight years. But today it is a long, drawnout passage that for most kids takes about fifteen years." Wow! I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that. Seems like a long time to me and frankly, it makes me kind of tired.! They go on to separate the years into early adolescence, midadolescence and late adolescence. I have children in each of these defined time periods...and some days, I am so overwhelmed with the choices and decisions that have to be made ...both for them and for me. It is a priority for me to stay connected with them which is why books like this intrigue me.

I understand the necessity of cell phones, Facebook and internet access in our world. However, these things have drastically changed teen culture even in the last decade... even since our first teenager came on the scene! It has definitely added to the challenge and complexity of parenting at our house. THAT is why I read books like DISCONNECTED so I can have a clue to what is going on and how I can be a better mom.

This books talks about the "world beneath". "The world beneath refers to the lone safe relational place midadolescents believe that have left --other kids. It is in this world where loyalty to each other is (usually) the greatest value they have. It is their own world where they do not feel they will be hassled or judged. It is the world where they have their own language, style, music and, for most kids at least during the midadolescent years, worldview. ...The best possible gift you can give your children as they move through the last decade of adolescence is the willingness to let them guide you, at least in understanding the world where you can never go." Interesting, and something to think about.

I get so consumed with the day-to-day business of running a household that I often don't take the time to learn about and really listen to my kids. It is an area I need to work on, no doubt. It takes time, energy and humility on my part. I am a work in progress, just like they are.

I would highly recommend DISCONNECTED if you have teenage children living in your home. It has made me rethink a few things about my own parenting. One last quote that I loved from the book... "Parenting is hard these day; perhaps it truly is, as the saying goes, today's most competitive adult sport." I would agree.