Thanksgiving is over and now we start the countdown to Christmas. I hate that I have checklists and timelines in December but, well the reality is..there is lots to do. We got a good start on our to-do list this weekend. The Christmas music has started, the lights are on the house, our Christmas letter is written and the tree is up and decorated. We try to get our tree up on the weekend following Thanskgiving. Allen and I love sitting in our living room at night after everyone is tucked in enjoying the beautiful aroma and colored lights on the tree.
The first ornament on the tree is one that I have chosen for each of our children. It's a tradition. It is a fun thing and a good way to start the season. If I am really on the ball we have some sort of Christmas cookie and egg nog. Really. Allen is the only one who likes egg nog and just for the record, there were no cookies this year. There was, however, Christmas music in the background. That counts for something I guess, right??
I love opening the boxes of ornaments every year. There are some that we have had for a long time. Some of them are handmade. The best ones are from our kids. We laugh every year when they are pulled out! I gave one to Steph just a few years ago that says... YOUNGEST CHILD...MOM'S FAVORITE! I'm glad she still puts it out cause she will always be my (first) youngest child. Always. My all-time favorite ornaments are a boy and a girl kissing. My mother-in-law gave it to us the year Allen and I got engaged. That was over 25 years ago!
This year, I realized how sentimental these little objects are to me. My life has been all about change and transition this last year. It's all good and normal, but seeing all these ornaments reminded me of my "old life". Rediscovering the ornaments from when we were first married and when the girls were little... sort of rattled me. I know that these tiny Christmas decorations are stuff, but these little ornaments have become kind of sacred to me over the years. At the very least, they have come to be very special to me. For years, we have started the season with this tradition...carefully unwrapping each ornament...one by one...laughing and remembering all the things that have happened in years gone by. It is a celebration of our life together as a family.
Everything started out fine and just like it does every other year. Everyone got busy placing their ornaments on the tree, the music was playing, and everything was going according to the plan...except that it just felt... different. I don't know when it started to hit me, but it did. Maybe it was the realization that Kristin is now the ranking sibling...or that I was missing Lindsay...? Perhaps these melancholy feelings came to the surface as I watched my two darling boys start to RUMMAGE through my precious ornaments!! I'm sure that I started to sweat and have chest pain! As much as I wanted to scream, I couldn't. I didn't. How could I? To these guys, my little Christmas trinkets mean NOTHING. It is just...STUFF. They were just going along for the ride and enjoying TODAY.
The challenge comes back to haunt me once again. How do I blend this family with all the history - (good and bad) of my old life and move ahead to the memories that we are making for the future-with my new family? It's tricky and I am still working on learning to accept all the changes. I looked at all the ornaments on the tree. I noticed the bride and groom ornament that I had crossed-stitched the year that we got married. It was right next to a traditional Filipino star ornament that I bought last year. Wow! A lot of life has happened between the creating of the first one to the purchase of the second one. Kind of deep, I know, but it is how I think and how I process.
Today is a better day. It's ok for me to look back at where we've come as a family. It's also ok to think ahead to the next few years. But mostly, God is trying to teach me to not live in the past or worry about the future, but to enjoy today, this moment, right now.
That is my Christmas ornament story. Happy December!
6 comments:
Hey, Mary! Keep those thoughts as a "backdrop" as you "dive into" December! They may be some of your best!
After I read your blog, I enjoyed even more our Thanksgiving memories of Whipped Cream fights (of course the boys) ha ha and the closets that had recently been reorganized but had "stuff" piled on the floor after the hide-and-seek games I hardly knew were happening! I hope they had as much fun as I had putting things back together! Enjoy your week and take only the best of each day with you to sleep! Love, Rox
I felt sad not being there this year! It was weird. And I enjoyed reading your "deep" post. See you on Thursday!
I liked it too, mom... And I share some of your sentimental feelings toward ornaments. :)
I love hearing your heart!
Love what you wrote...so true. It is good to hear others stories and feelings! Sounds like we had a similiar weekend! love ya- Jody
Wow, Mary, your tree decorating experience this year was an amazing illustration of the joys and challenges that major change brings into our lives. You are very good at putting your feelings into words. Thanks for being honest. And Merry Christmas!
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