RETREAT

Here I am in Rochester, MN with a day all to myself. Allen and I are on a 2-day getaway where he gets to attend some medical meetings and I get to...do whatever I want! I am sitting in a hotel room with at least 10 books, unopened mail, a small scrapbooking project, the laptop (which can eat up several hours!), several journals that I have been meaning to write in, and a list of things I want to accomplish while I am here. Oh! This hotel also has a ton of movie choices and I have hopes of getting to the mall at least once while I am here. Sounds relaxing, huh? I am grateful for some time alone...away, but I have a tendency to be overzealous in my to-do list. Not so relaxing. I have already accomplished quite a bit today...a long walk by the river, a great time of just talking with God and being still, reading (I finished a very short book!), and wasting time on Facebook.

Blogging has been on my list of things to do for quite some time. I have had a lot to say in the last few weeks, but I can't seem to find the time or the energy to sit down and write about it. I really do love writing, but I am not very good about just sitting down and...writing. I keep thinking that I will do it later - when I have more time or when it is quiet. I like to organize my thoughts, but that takes a bit more time. In the end, it does my spirit good to share my story. The longer I wait, the list of things I want to blog about gets longer and longer and finally, I am so overwhelmed with stuff I want to say that...I just don't say anything at all! Well, here is my chance to get back on track.

Last night, Allen and I went on a long walk. We talked and talked. To be more accurate, I talked and talked. He is a good listener and always has good insight on what we are discussing at that moment. We talk ALOT during the course of the day (trouble shooting, schedule planning, and trying to keep up to speed on daily happenings of our children). But this kind of talk is different. I call it TALK THERAPY. It is a time where we can evaluate our current path in life and where we might be headed. It is a time when we talk about our faith walk. As mentioned, I tend to do most of the talking. I asked Allen about something I was thinking of doing. I thought it was maybe a good idea, but I hadn't really thought of the implications. He quietly listened, and then told me that he thought it was a bad idea. Just like that. The thing is...I trust his judgement and will put it to rest. The other thing I asked him about was my blog. He encouraged me to keep blogging...and so I will. No guarantees as to how often or how good my occasional posts will be, but I have decided to continue blogging about my family, my faith and the ups and downs of adoption. The challenge is to be as honest as I can, but protect the privacy of my family. It is a fine line. It is no doubt therapeutic (and a bit self-centered!) for ME to write my thoughts down, but I truly hope that it is somehow helpful to other people in some way.

Now, back to the original focus of this post - retreat. Having a large family has had many new and different challenges. I was busy before the addition of our three children, but now (for me) it often becomes an out-of-control busy! I do pretty well most of the time, but sometimes, I am just so overwhelmed with all that has to get done. Being a person with high expectations and someone who is very relational only complicates matters for me. If things go awry in any given relationship, it sucks the life out of me. If several relationship are strained (especially within my family)....well, it just about puts me over the top! I am however working on that and am making good progress! At any rate, I have needed a personal retreat for quite some time and now that I am away, I feel my tank starting to fill up again. My goal for today and tomorrow is to regroup, look at my priorities for this season and set some goals.

Lower my expectations and walk in faith knowing that God will be there to help me do the things I need to do. THAT'S what I need to do. Be more efficient with my time and enjoy the special moments of each new day. THATS also what I need to do. Cut myself some slack and simply enjoy the journey. YEP, THAT too! I don't know if all of this is even possible, but I am going to keep working on being the best that I can be!

Whew! Writing this was exhausting! I think I am going to watch a movie now!! Thanks for reading!!