One of the biggest hurdles for me to climb over was accepting the fact that adoption would mean that our family would never be the same. It's not that I haven't had a lot of experience in the area of letting go. After all, I have watched (and allowed!) both Lindsay and Kristin leave the nest and pursue their own dreams. It is a natural part of life, but for me, has been a difficult thing. To be honest, I think it is the hardest thing about being a mom. But it happens... and really, you wouldn't want it any other way.
I started to walk through the house and look at pictures of our family. Would I have to take all those old (and treasured) family pictures down? Will we ever travel again as a family? Will my older girls ever come back to sleep at our house? How will this effect our relationships with each other? Will it be hard for our new kids to watch old family videos? Will we ever be able to sit all together at a restaurant? Lots of thoughts came rushing in my head about how things were going to change. I would have to say that for about two weeks I had a feeling of loss and anxiety, maybe even grief. I like my family. It's comfortable, it's easy (relatively), and it is becoming more fun and less work all the time. Why would I give that up? Well, for me I guess the answer goes back to that calling. I believe that God has put this burden on my heart at this time in my life for a reason. I can't say no to that.
The other piece of this is that I feel as if we made this decision as a family. Although Allen and I certainly made the final decision, the input of our girls was HUGE. What a great decision to make together. The girls were the ones to quickly point out that adoption was something that our family could do together. How can you beat that?
I know that there are certain aspects of our life that will never be the same, but there is a certain peace in knowing that you are being obedient to God and living in the center of His will. I believe that I am...or that at least I am trying to. We can never go back and relive the past. On the other hand, nothing that happens in our future will take away all the great memories we already have.
I don't have all the answers to all my questions about this big change, but I guess that I don't have to. I know that this process of letting go will be a constant battle, but for now, I think I have made it over the first hurdle of letting go and I am doing ok. Stay tuned and thanks for all your encouraging words.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
APRIL 28, 1986
Today is my oldest daughter's birthday. Lindsay Marie Mork was born 22 years ago today. I arranged to meet her at the California Pizza Kitchen for lunch. I walked in, chose a booth and ordered hot tea. (Earl Grey to be exact.) There were only a few people in the dining area because it was still pretty early for lunch. After about 5-10 minutes, my cell phone rang. It was Lindsay. She said, "Look straight ahead." There, sitting across the room (in a booth) sipping Earl Grey tea was Lindsay. We both just started to laugh. As Lindsay made her way to MY booth, the confused waiters looked on. At that point, I had already decided on what I was going to order. But when Lindsay placed her order, I realized that choosing EXACTLY the same thing that she had ordered would probably be a bit annoying. It might even be embarrassing! So, I quickly found something else to order. We had a fun time, the food was great and I was so happy to just spend a little time with her on her birthday.
As I drove home this afternoon, I was remembering the day that Lindsay was born. The first person to visit me in the hospital was my friend, Kelly. She popped her head in my room and said, "She's beautiful, Mary!" I know that this is what most people say even when babies are ugly... but she really was beautiful. I remember looking at Lindsay and feeling very proud of her that day. I don't know why because she hadn't actually done anything yet!! I guess it was just a "mom thing". Who would have thought that 22 years later I would get to drink Earl Grey tea with her and talk about... life? She is still very beautiful and I am still so proud of her. Some things never change.
I
As I drove home this afternoon, I was remembering the day that Lindsay was born. The first person to visit me in the hospital was my friend, Kelly. She popped her head in my room and said, "She's beautiful, Mary!" I know that this is what most people say even when babies are ugly... but she really was beautiful. I remember looking at Lindsay and feeling very proud of her that day. I don't know why because she hadn't actually done anything yet!! I guess it was just a "mom thing". Who would have thought that 22 years later I would get to drink Earl Grey tea with her and talk about... life? She is still very beautiful and I am still so proud of her. Some things never change.
I
Saturday, April 26, 2008
OUR DECISION TO ADOPT - PART II
*January 2008- Three days after we got back from the Philippines, Allen came down with terrible flu-like symptoms. After trying to weather this bug out at home, he ended up in the hospital. It wasn't the flu after all, but the Dengue Fever. This virus can only be contracted from a mosquito and can in some cases, be fatal. Well, after spending several days in the hospital, two of which were in the ICU, Allen was released to come home. He was very weak and had lost 12 pounds. I would say that the weeks following our trip to the Philippines were just as life-changing as the trip itself. The girls and I sat, prayed and watched while Allen laid there unable to do one thing to stop this awful thing from happening. We all felt a bit helpless because he is usually the one solving our problems and taking care of everyone else. At any rate, situations like this help you to appreciate each other and bring you closer as a family. That was certainly the case for us and we were so thankful when Allen started to feel better. Meanwhile... there had been no talk of adoption since our homecoming. I think it was a good thing because it gave us some time to digest what we had seen and discussed while we were in the Philippines. The Dengue Fever episode also helped to remind us of what things in life are most important. It's family. It's people. It's relationships. This was not a chapter in our life that we would want to repeat, but it was yet another significant event that moved us closer to our decision to adopt.
*Saturday, January 26 - While Allen was at home recuperating, he and I started to talk about the need to make a decision one way or another. We invited our friends Tim and Barb one evening to talk about adoption issues. This family adopted a sibling group of five from the Philippines a few years back. (And really, they have made raising 9 kids look easy!) They certainly did not try to convince us to choose adoption. However, they were very honest and open about their experiences. At any rate, it was very helpful to talk with them. After they left, I could tell that Allen was SOLD. I really believed that yes, God was calling us to do this, but I wasn't quite ready to take the plunge.
*A Few Days Later - One evening, we decided it was time to call the adoption agency and begin our paperwork. In order for the kids to arrive before the 2008-09 school year, we needed to make that first call and get the ball rolling. I was pretty scared about this first step, but also ready to say "yes" to this calling. So...in the last week of January, we called Crossroads Adoption Agency. We jumped off the cliff that day together.
*Saturday, January 26 - While Allen was at home recuperating, he and I started to talk about the need to make a decision one way or another. We invited our friends Tim and Barb one evening to talk about adoption issues. This family adopted a sibling group of five from the Philippines a few years back. (And really, they have made raising 9 kids look easy!) They certainly did not try to convince us to choose adoption. However, they were very honest and open about their experiences. At any rate, it was very helpful to talk with them. After they left, I could tell that Allen was SOLD. I really believed that yes, God was calling us to do this, but I wasn't quite ready to take the plunge.
*A Few Days Later - One evening, we decided it was time to call the adoption agency and begin our paperwork. In order for the kids to arrive before the 2008-09 school year, we needed to make that first call and get the ball rolling. I was pretty scared about this first step, but also ready to say "yes" to this calling. So...in the last week of January, we called Crossroads Adoption Agency. We jumped off the cliff that day together.
OUR DECISION TO ADOPT - PART I
Our decision to adopt has involved a series of events which we believe started over 20 years ago. It might be helpful to know what things have influenced our decision to add to our family at this point in our life. I believe that each of these events have been significant in our decision-making process. Let me warn you that this posting is going to be long so please proceed only if you have the time and interest in learning about this part of the adoption. I'm quite sure this will be the longest blog I ever write!
*February-1987 - Allen's good friend and medical school colleague (Karl Oase) died just months before graduation. It was a very sad time for us. Karl was a part of the first missions group to visit CSC (Children's Shelter of Cebu). He talked often of his experience at the shelter. As a tribute to his life, we began supporting CSC through their foster friend program. This was our introduction to the shelter that would one day care for our own three kids.
*December-2005 - Our family attended a Mercy Me/Stephen Curtis Chapman Christmas concert. Allen had started to talk about adopting prior to this, but until that evening, I wasn't even willing to budge. SCC and his wife have adopted 3 girls from China and he usually makes a presentation during the evening promoting adoption. I started to feel my heart change that night and after the concert, I(secretly) picked up some information. Later that evening, I told Allen what I had done and asked him if he was still interested. Much to my surprise, he said, "No, I don't think it is a good idea for us."
*June-2006 - Allen and Kristin travel to the Philippines with our 15 other highschoolers (and 3 more adults!) from our church. They spent time at CSC and came home excited about the work that was being done at the shelter on behalf of the children. Of course, they all fell in love with the little ones, but at that point, Allen had no desire to adopt. Frankly, I was relieved! Kristin, on the other hand, was sure that someday, somehow, our family would adopt from CSC. Each person on the mission team was assigned to one or more children at the shelter as a "special friend". Kristin was assigned to Roselyn. Little did she know that she would one day be her sister.
*Spring-2007 - Paul Healy sent an article highlighting a sibling group of five in the CSC newsletter. After reading it, Allen could not stop thinking about it. He could not sleep for several nights. He tried to visualize how we could accomodate 5 more children in our household. Because he had visited CSC and knew these kids, it was so hard for him to let it go. Allen describes this as a "defining moment" for him. He started to feel the call to adopt. It took him a few weeks to muster the courage to tell me about this. I, being the wonderful, supportive wife that I am responded with a hearty, "NO!! It's not going to happen!" This, of course is not the end of the story. God kept working on us, but it took a while longer before we got on the same page at the same time.
*June-2007 - Kristin graduates from high school. Life for our family was about to change again as we prepared for her to leave for college.
*Fathers' Day-2007 - I will remember this day for a long time. It was a wonderful day for our family. The five of us were gathered in our screened porch when we started talking about a possible trip to the Philippines. Everyone was "on board" and excited about a trip to CSC. Then, somehow the subject of adoption came up. We spent a long time talking about whether this was a good idea for our family and/or even a possibility. We were eager to get their input. It was a great discussion! We thought that adopting 2 girls - ages 6-10 would be a good fit. (God had something else in mind.) Lindsay, Kristin and Steph were very excited, but we all left that day realizing that a decision like this would require a strong sense of calling, patience and much prayer.
July-2007 - Lindsay and I attend an informational meeting at Crossroads Adoption Agency.
*January-2008 - Our family of five traveled to the Philippines to visit the Children's Shelter of Cebu. Most of our time was spent helping in the classroom, doing medical work, and simply "hanging out" with kids. We had a wonderful time and didn't really think about adoption until the last couple of days. Allen and I had a sit-down chat with Paul Healy one afternoon. Our purpose in talking was to discuss various ways which we could be helpful to this ministry. That included everything from medical support to educational needs to adoption. It was at that point that Paul shared with us about the sibling groups that hadn't yet been placed for adoption. The Romano children were mentioned and he said that no one had expressed interest in this sibling group. I will probably write about some of Paul's comments in another blog, but our talk at Starbucks with Paul that day was another significant event that took us one step closer to deciding to adopt. We left the shelter to spend a few days at a resort to relax and reflect on the previous week. The discussions we had with our kids were priceless! I will always treasure the time that we had in the Philippines with our oldest girls. We would not have decided on adopting without the full support of each of them. Their insight was very mature, compassionate and respectful of Allen and me. The next step was to let some time pass to just ponder and pray about what we had experienced. Next event - Part II - Dengue Fever!!!
*
*February-1987 - Allen's good friend and medical school colleague (Karl Oase) died just months before graduation. It was a very sad time for us. Karl was a part of the first missions group to visit CSC (Children's Shelter of Cebu). He talked often of his experience at the shelter. As a tribute to his life, we began supporting CSC through their foster friend program. This was our introduction to the shelter that would one day care for our own three kids.
*December-2005 - Our family attended a Mercy Me/Stephen Curtis Chapman Christmas concert. Allen had started to talk about adopting prior to this, but until that evening, I wasn't even willing to budge. SCC and his wife have adopted 3 girls from China and he usually makes a presentation during the evening promoting adoption. I started to feel my heart change that night and after the concert, I(secretly) picked up some information. Later that evening, I told Allen what I had done and asked him if he was still interested. Much to my surprise, he said, "No, I don't think it is a good idea for us."
*June-2006 - Allen and Kristin travel to the Philippines with our 15 other highschoolers (and 3 more adults!) from our church. They spent time at CSC and came home excited about the work that was being done at the shelter on behalf of the children. Of course, they all fell in love with the little ones, but at that point, Allen had no desire to adopt. Frankly, I was relieved! Kristin, on the other hand, was sure that someday, somehow, our family would adopt from CSC. Each person on the mission team was assigned to one or more children at the shelter as a "special friend". Kristin was assigned to Roselyn. Little did she know that she would one day be her sister.
*Spring-2007 - Paul Healy sent an article highlighting a sibling group of five in the CSC newsletter. After reading it, Allen could not stop thinking about it. He could not sleep for several nights. He tried to visualize how we could accomodate 5 more children in our household. Because he had visited CSC and knew these kids, it was so hard for him to let it go. Allen describes this as a "defining moment" for him. He started to feel the call to adopt. It took him a few weeks to muster the courage to tell me about this. I, being the wonderful, supportive wife that I am responded with a hearty, "NO!! It's not going to happen!" This, of course is not the end of the story. God kept working on us, but it took a while longer before we got on the same page at the same time.
*June-2007 - Kristin graduates from high school. Life for our family was about to change again as we prepared for her to leave for college.
*Fathers' Day-2007 - I will remember this day for a long time. It was a wonderful day for our family. The five of us were gathered in our screened porch when we started talking about a possible trip to the Philippines. Everyone was "on board" and excited about a trip to CSC. Then, somehow the subject of adoption came up. We spent a long time talking about whether this was a good idea for our family and/or even a possibility. We were eager to get their input. It was a great discussion! We thought that adopting 2 girls - ages 6-10 would be a good fit. (God had something else in mind.) Lindsay, Kristin and Steph were very excited, but we all left that day realizing that a decision like this would require a strong sense of calling, patience and much prayer.
July-2007 - Lindsay and I attend an informational meeting at Crossroads Adoption Agency.
*January-2008 - Our family of five traveled to the Philippines to visit the Children's Shelter of Cebu. Most of our time was spent helping in the classroom, doing medical work, and simply "hanging out" with kids. We had a wonderful time and didn't really think about adoption until the last couple of days. Allen and I had a sit-down chat with Paul Healy one afternoon. Our purpose in talking was to discuss various ways which we could be helpful to this ministry. That included everything from medical support to educational needs to adoption. It was at that point that Paul shared with us about the sibling groups that hadn't yet been placed for adoption. The Romano children were mentioned and he said that no one had expressed interest in this sibling group. I will probably write about some of Paul's comments in another blog, but our talk at Starbucks with Paul that day was another significant event that took us one step closer to deciding to adopt. We left the shelter to spend a few days at a resort to relax and reflect on the previous week. The discussions we had with our kids were priceless! I will always treasure the time that we had in the Philippines with our oldest girls. We would not have decided on adopting without the full support of each of them. Their insight was very mature, compassionate and respectful of Allen and me. The next step was to let some time pass to just ponder and pray about what we had experienced. Next event - Part II - Dengue Fever!!!
*
MUSINGS
Definition of Musings: thoughts, especially when aimless and unsystematic.
My first challenge in beginning a blog was deciding what to name it. After brainstorming with Allen, we decided that "musing" was a unique word which would communicate my intentions. I found a few definitions of musings but I liked this description the best.
I have kept some sort of journal for my entire life. My entries are not always organized, consistant or even all that interesting. But they reflect where I've been and what I've been thinking about at any given point in time. I often write while I am on vacation. I often write about my children and my relationships.
I am not exactly sure what this blog will look like, but I hope to accomplish a few things. As I journey down this road called adoption, I want to record some of my thoughts as they surface. Of course, I want to remember special days and things that happen so I don't forget. (It is amazing how quickly we forget significant events in our lives!) Lastly, I want to provide a place for my friends and family who are curious as we progress in this adventure. If you do decide to follow along, please remember to pray for our family. This is uncharted waters for all of us!
The focus of my blog will be the adoption, but I will surely post other things of interest as they come along. If it goes well, I will continue after the children come. I hope to include verses, quotes and pictures as I get more comfortable with the mechanics of the blog. I guess that is all you need to know about my "musings". Check back when you have a minute to see what's been on my mind!
My first challenge in beginning a blog was deciding what to name it. After brainstorming with Allen, we decided that "musing" was a unique word which would communicate my intentions. I found a few definitions of musings but I liked this description the best.
I have kept some sort of journal for my entire life. My entries are not always organized, consistant or even all that interesting. But they reflect where I've been and what I've been thinking about at any given point in time. I often write while I am on vacation. I often write about my children and my relationships.
I am not exactly sure what this blog will look like, but I hope to accomplish a few things. As I journey down this road called adoption, I want to record some of my thoughts as they surface. Of course, I want to remember special days and things that happen so I don't forget. (It is amazing how quickly we forget significant events in our lives!) Lastly, I want to provide a place for my friends and family who are curious as we progress in this adventure. If you do decide to follow along, please remember to pray for our family. This is uncharted waters for all of us!
The focus of my blog will be the adoption, but I will surely post other things of interest as they come along. If it goes well, I will continue after the children come. I hope to include verses, quotes and pictures as I get more comfortable with the mechanics of the blog. I guess that is all you need to know about my "musings". Check back when you have a minute to see what's been on my mind!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
A DAY TO REMEMBER
Welcome to my blog! I have been thinking about this for quite some time but today is the day I will begin. I have things to share about the blog itself, but for my first day as a blogger, I have more pressing matters to write about.APRIL 24, 2008. Today is such a BIG day for our family!! I can hardly believe it! Allen and I have been busy these last few months thinking, praying and going through the tedious process of adoption. Perhaps I shouldn't use the word "tedious" because I know that some folks wait for years to bring adopted children into their home. We began the process less than 3 months ago...and today was the day our children were told that they have a mom, dad and three sisters waiting to be their forever family in Cambridge, MN. As soon as we got the news, I texted Lindsay, Kristin and Steph. My cell was not working very well so I wasn't even sure they got the message. (Did I mention that we are in Puerto Vallarta celebrating our 25th anniversary?) It was frustrating because I just wanted so badly to talk to each of them about it...and I couldn't!
We decided to go to the beach for the afternoon and try to call later in the afternoon. I finished my book, took a walk by the beach and went parasailing...all relatively unimportant but really fun things to do on such a special day. We came back to the room and were able to connect with each of the girls. Lots of emails, lots of talking, lots of excitement...
Allen and I ate at a wonderful Italian restaurant by the marina as the sun set for the day. Shortly after we got back to our room, we received a call from the Philippines. The first thing we heard from our newest daughter was, "Hi, Mom and Dad!" Wow! I'm not sure exactly how to describe what this felt like but it was strange and wonderful all at the same time. We talked briefly to all three of our "new" kids. Our conversations with each of them were short, uncomplicated, yet meaningful. It was a great way to end a spectacular day. Today, indeed was a day to remember.
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