ON TO CHRISTMAS...

Thanksgiving is over and now we start the countdown to Christmas. I hate that I have checklists and timelines in December but, well the reality is..there is lots to do. We got a good start on our to-do list this weekend. The Christmas music has started, the lights are on the house, our Christmas letter is written and the tree is up and decorated. We try to get our tree up on the weekend following Thanskgiving. Allen and I love sitting in our living room at night after everyone is tucked in enjoying the beautiful aroma and colored lights on the tree.

The first ornament on the tree is one that I have chosen for each of our children. It's a tradition. It is a fun thing and a good way to start the season. If I am really on the ball we have some sort of Christmas cookie and egg nog. Really. Allen is the only one who likes egg nog and just for the record, there were no cookies this year. There was, however, Christmas music in the background. That counts for something I guess, right??

I love opening the boxes of ornaments every year. There are some that we have had for a long time. Some of them are handmade. The best ones are from our kids. We laugh every year when they are pulled out! I gave one to Steph just a few years ago that says... YOUNGEST CHILD...MOM'S FAVORITE! I'm glad she still puts it out cause she will always be my (first) youngest child. Always. My all-time favorite ornaments are a boy and a girl kissing. My mother-in-law gave it to us the year Allen and I got engaged. That was over 25 years ago!

This year, I realized how sentimental these little objects are to me. My life has been all about change and transition this last year. It's all good and normal, but seeing all these ornaments reminded me of my "old life". Rediscovering the ornaments from when we were first married and when the girls were little... sort of rattled me. I know that these tiny Christmas decorations are stuff, but these little ornaments have become kind of sacred to me over the years. At the very least, they have come to be very special to me. For years, we have started the season with this tradition...carefully unwrapping each ornament...one by one...laughing and remembering all the things that have happened in years gone by. It is a celebration of our life together as a family.

Everything started out fine and just like it does every other year. Everyone got busy placing their ornaments on the tree, the music was playing, and everything was going according to the plan...except that it just felt... different. I don't know when it started to hit me, but it did. Maybe it was the realization that Kristin is now the ranking sibling...or that I was missing Lindsay...? Perhaps these melancholy feelings came to the surface as I watched my two darling boys start to RUMMAGE through my precious ornaments!! I'm sure that I started to sweat and have chest pain! As much as I wanted to scream, I couldn't. I didn't. How could I? To these guys, my little Christmas trinkets mean NOTHING. It is just...STUFF. They were just going along for the ride and enjoying TODAY.

The challenge comes back to haunt me once again. How do I blend this family with all the history - (good and bad) of my old life and move ahead to the memories that we are making for the future-with my new family? It's tricky and I am still working on learning to accept all the changes. I looked at all the ornaments on the tree. I noticed the bride and groom ornament that I had crossed-stitched the year that we got married. It was right next to a traditional Filipino star ornament that I bought last year. Wow! A lot of life has happened between the creating of the first one to the purchase of the second one. Kind of deep, I know, but it is how I think and how I process.

Today is a better day. It's ok for me to look back at where we've come as a family. It's also ok to think ahead to the next few years. But mostly, God is trying to teach me to not live in the past or worry about the future, but to enjoy today, this moment, right now.

That is my Christmas ornament story. Happy December!

THE WINNER IS...

Every Thanksgiving I try to think of something new and different that I am especially thankful for. The only rule is that it cannot be my family. My family kind of trumps everything so they unfortunately get taken out of the mix... Some years it is about some event that happened. Other years, it is a person. Once in a while it is even something.

This year, the winner is the circle of friends that I have been so graciously blessed with. I can't tell you the times that I have been pulled out of "the depths of despair" by the encouragement of one of my friends. From a kind word in passing to a sit down get-it-off-my-chest marathon...my friends have been such a support to me this last year.

I have friends that have known me so long that they can just look at me and...just know. There is an understanding that comes with aging and a shared history. We all experience accomplishments and struggles. Things we are proud of and other things we are ashamed of. We understand the bittersweet feelings of letting our children go. We forget how old we are...until we catch a glimpse of ourselves in the mirror! To my longtime (not old!) friends, I sure do love you. You accept me with all my warts, bumps and bruises and keep inviting me to coffee. Thanks for not giving up on me. I am thankful for you!

Then...there are my new friends. Adding three children to our family has widened my circle of friends in ways that I never imagined. I have met many new friends through basketball, baseball, tennis and school activities. I'm sure the list will get longer as our youngest kids work their way through their school years. Among my new friends are other adoptive moms. There is a special understanding and a special bond that I feel with these ladies. Just when I think my issues are unique and no one could possibly know what I'm talking about...one of my special friends shares a similar story. They will cry with me. They will laugh with me. I always feel better after being with them. To my new friends - I don't know how I might have managed this last year without your encouragement and love. You are very dear to me!

All in all, I have been blessed with such a great support system of friends. They give me perspective, hope and lots of reasons to laugh. They help me see the big picture and have helped me to experience God's grace over and over again. Anyway, to all of you...and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!...YOU are my Thanksgiving winners this year and I thank God for bringing you into my life! HAPPY THANKSGIVING to YOU!

TENNIS ANYONE?

My last two blog entries are about the end of both cross country and swimming. This fall we added yet another sport to our athletic schedule. Roselyn was on the CIHS tennis team and she did such a great job. It was especially remarkable considering the late start she had. She started hitting the tennis balls early this summer and was burning up the court by the end of the season. I love learning about this sport. It is very relaxing to watch because you don't have crazy people yelling across the court. There is usually a small crowd and although there is an occasional "shout out" or smattering of applause, it is pretty calm. It reminds me a little of watching golf....shhhhhhh...the players need to concentrate. The other thing I love about tennis are the little outfits the girls get to wear. That might even be my most favorite thing. Who cares how they play because, well... they all just look so darn cute! That sounds a little shallow, doesn't it?? Think what you will, but Roselyn looked darling out there on the court and she played like a pro. I am looking forward to next summer and more tennis. I may even get out there on the court with my daughter and give her a few pointers!! Just kidding. Good job, Roselyn!!

CONGRATS, KRISTIN!!

Yesterday, while Allen and I were cheering on the Bluejacket Swim and Dive Teamt...Kristin was running the regional cross country meet in Grinnell, Iowa. There were 27 teams and Kristin finished 16th overall! She had a fabulous race! We were texting back and forth with Peter (her boyfriend) to

get the details on the race. I was on pins and needles just waiting for each new text. I was surprisingly very emotional as I sat there wishing I could be in two places at once. We learned today that Kristin was one spot away from qualifying for the National Meet in Cleveland next weekend. As disappointing as that is, I know that she will be back next year, running like a crazy person :) in hopes of being the best runner she can be. I am confident that next year will be even better than this one.

We are not quite sure how Kristin manages school, work, friends, a long distance boyfriend, AND cross country, but she does. We LOVE watching the meets, and will be there next fall chasing her around the course again. Here are a few pics that I took this fall - some of Kristin running...some of her fans trying to catch her!! Good job, Kristin! We're proud of you!

HURRAH FOR STEPH!

Yesterday was the section meet for Steph's swim team. The team finished 2nd and seven girls have advanced to the State Meet which will take place next weekend. Steph swims in one of the two relays that gets to go! It was such an exciting race! I can't even tell you... I was sitting next to Lindsay and it was just SO EXCITING! My heart was racing when it was finished. We knew that they had a chance to qualify for State, but anything can happen on the day of the race. The good news is that it was the FIRST race of the meet. I think that the girls were relieved to get it out of the way right away! The other exciting thing was that they broke the school record! Good job, ladies!

I am really proud of all the girls who swam on Saturday. Swimming is a very strenuous sport and (somehow) after a long, hard season, they all managed to drop time. I believe that they all did their very best. I love that Steph is a part of this team. These girls are very supportive of each other and they like to hang out with each other outside of the pool. So much...that the section team spent the night at our house. This morning, we had 20+ girls plus Mr. Sholund for breakfast. Very fun and such good memories for all of us! Congrats, Steph and Congrats to the CI Swim and Dive Team!!! We're proud of you!

NOVEMBER 8, 2009

THE ONE YEAR HURDLE

Guest Writer... and My Best Friend! - Allen Mork

I have been granted an opportunity to post a blog entry and because I love this blog (and it's author!), I will do my best to not mess it up!

Overall, I see this past year as one of tremendous growth-growth for each of our kids, our family and for me personally. Growth can be very exciting and fun - but it also means change... which can be challenging and sometimes even painful. With that in mind, I've listed a few of my memories from this past year.

*STITCHES: 3 daughters times about 22 years - none; Rodrigo - 6 hours, Romeo - 3 weeks!

*FISH HOOKS: used frequently this year on the river and at the cabin; we all dodged a few except for one Rapala which found flesh on Romeo's forearm.

*BEDTIME: my favorite time of the day - reading books, telling Fibber Jibber stories, talking with Roselyn, back rubs for Steph.

*TWINS BASEBALL: a shared love for the team and the game.

*HEAD TRAUMA (to me): hit by baseballs, snowballs, basketballs, a canoe paddle, elbows, light sabers and swords!

*DAMAGED GLASSES/SUNGLASSES: See above.

*THE WEDDING: Amazing! Beautiful bride/family! Great ceremony, reception and square dance!

*RICE: Not thrown at the wedding but we certainly eat more of it!

*HOMEWORK: A lot of it, but I think I finally understand Algebra!

*NOISE: There is more...a lot more!

*LAUNDRY: See above.

*FATIGUE: See above.

*DISCIPLINE: We have great kids but this remains a constant challenge for us.

*CARS - THE SOUNDTRACK: heard perhaps a couple of hundred times this past year!

*SMELLY SOCKS: Brings back (unpleasant!) memories of my brothers!

*STAR WARS: The battle rages on!

*JOY: I saved the best for last. The most lasting memory I will have of this year is seeing the look on one of our kid's faces as they "snuggle" in with their mom to read a book, watch a movie or go to sleep.

Having a bigger family is definitely more stressful and tiring than I could have ever imagined but is truly the most rewarding and meaningful thing I have ever done. I love being a dad and I would not trade our crew for anything! Thanks to all of our family and friends for your love, support and prayers. We could not have made it through this year without you!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I have always had mixed feelings about Halloween. I don't like the dark side of this holiday with all the witches, scary stuff and dead people. Why would anyone want to celebrate evil? On the other hand, it is so much fun to dress up and roam the neighborhood in search of goodies. It's all about the trick or treating, isn't it? We thought we had moved beyond the carving and costume stage a few years back but I guess we were wrong.

Carving pumpkins was really quite fun this year. As usual, Allen was in charge of the carving operation while I made the pumpkin seeds. Seems like a good deal to me! Roselyn, Romeo and Rodrigo did a fine job creating their scary faces...Kristin and Steph added their pumpkins to the mix later. All in all, a fine year for Jack-O-Lanterns.

Costumes of choice this year - STAR WARS STORM TROOPERS! We have NEVER had Star Wars ANYTHING! so this was kind of a rare treat. It was definitely a boy's Halloween this year... and well... it was a refreshing change from the endless years of princess costumes!

ONE YEAR AGO

November 8, 2008 is the day that we returned with our three newest children. I can't believe that 12 months have passed since we went to bring our children home. So much happened during that week in Cebu. Some of the days have become blurred. There are other things that are permanently etched in my mind.

The last night before our kids came to join us was probably the worst night of my life. I remember arriving back at the hotel late in the afternoon with Allen after a busy and exhausting day. (The kids seemed ready to go, but a bit unsure about what was ahead. I can only imagine how they must have felt on that night. They were about to leave everything they knew...).

I will never, ever forget this night. I was dealing with a lot of intense and conflicted feelings myself. The fear was unbearable. I mean...I was petrified! Our lives were going to take a great big U-turn and it was going to happen - tomorrow! It was too late to be thinking about cold feet, but I was scared out of my mind about the things that would happen next. Allen and I just sat in our room the whole night and tried to enjoy being together. It was the last few hours of our comfortable and predictable life. I was sad. I wanted so badly to talk to our daughters at home. It was maybe the longest night of my life.

November 3rd came and it was time to begin the adventure. It was another emotional day as we all had to say our last goodbyes and start down the road together. After we left the shelter, our first stop was - the mall. Oh my! It was a three-ringed circus. Allen took the boys and I took Roselyn. All I can say is that it was the first of many adventures with our new kiddos! It is a memory that definitely makes us smile now. We did our power shopping and headed back to the hotel. It took a while for everyone to settle in and fall asleep for the night, but finally, the kids were asleep and we had a few minutes to ourselves. I can't really describe how it felt that first night. It was surreal. These three children, who God had given to us, with so many unknowns, were sleeping in the room next to ours. Three bodies. Three souls. Three people. And they were ours...forever. There was definitely a feeling of relief having passed from our old life into the new. We had survived the day and were ready to look ahead. We both slept very well that night. The next day was Romeo's 12th birthday! We celebrated in our hotel room and took this picture of the three kids. So much has happened since then, but I love this picture because it reminds me of those intense, but exciting first days together.

People tell me how great it is that we adopted three children into our family. I wish I could say that it has been easy. It was a difficult decision. I was neither brave or confident going into it. It has been very challenging. We are still trying to understand what BLENDING a family means. We are still trying to be faithful to what we believe God called us to do. In our weaknesses, I believe that God is changing all of us to learn about love. He's teaching us to trust Him. Believe me, it is hard work and not very much fun sometimes...but well worth it.

I have been telling people that I am looking forward to the one-year anniversary on November 8. We have now laid the foundation for what our larger family looks like. This year has been filled with firsts - American school, church, a wedding!, camp, vacations, holidays...the list goes on and on. We can now build on those experiences and continue to bond together. This year has also been filled with victories and struggles. I am proud of where our family has come this last year. It is far from perfect and we all have work to do, but I believe that we are headed in the right direction. Happy Anniversary, Mork family!